So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
