You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You made out with two different species that night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize