I just threw up on my dentist
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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