According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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