just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
