she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
