Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
