other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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