why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
