So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
there is glitter all over my balls
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
