Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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