im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
