You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
