I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
