she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have post one night stand depression
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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