She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
