and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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