She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
