I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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