just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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