I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
