Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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