Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
