Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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