His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
