im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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