All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
