All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
