...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
