Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
