Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
