he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
