He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
