no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
