So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
