My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
