yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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