I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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