FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
