you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
