True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
