please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
