You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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