Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Randomize
