If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
