God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
