If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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