I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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