remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
