Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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