hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
