everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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