my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
