Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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