You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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