Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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