Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
