just come out here and I will go home with you...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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