so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
