if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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