She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
