Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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