I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
