butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
