omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
