We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
