that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
