I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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