I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
