ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
